Positive Contributions - Get Involved

One Woman’s Story

This month’s newsletter asked women to share their thoughts and feelings around their first time in a refuge. Their responses can be found on our newsletter. This is one woman’s story. We didn’t want to cut it short!

 

“The first time I contacted Women’s Aid was very scary. I rang them and set up a meeting where I went and told them my story. They made me feel like I did have a way out. They suggested going to a refuge and what it entailed. I felt then that I would get the help and support I needed. Still felt like a scared little girl running away from home though. I went away and thought about it.

They rang around to find me a place available for me and my children to go. The first one I went to was in L. They told me where to go and who I was needing to speak to. Didn’t feel real everything happened too quickly. My social worker helped me move but I knew women’s aid would look after me.

The refuge I went to wasn’t like anything I imagined not that I had a certain image. Just wasn’t what I expected a refuge to look like, it felt like a place you stay not live if that makes sense it wasn’t a house it was just a building, the second one I went to was a house, it felt homely, this one had carpets and a landing not a corridor.

The first place they let me take my things upstairs and then came down to tell then what they wanted, they took me round and told me what was expected of me. Nobody was in so didn’t get to meet anyone. The second place was so different, we took our things upstairs and they brought us a drink, we came down and was shown around. Got to meet some of the other people there, they made me feel welcome which was nice as the other place was like a clinic this place was like a home with a family. Me and the support worker went through some questions and sorted a Plan of action out so we knew what to do next. Felt comfortable this time.

My first night in the refuge house I slept through and didn’t worry once, straight away I felt secure, that was a big thing for me, in both places I met up with the rest of the women and we exchanged stories, got to know each other and realised that this happened to so many people and even the little things were the same, I felt so relieved, I didn’t no how things would turn out. Just took each day at a time. The first day anywhere is the hardest and you never know if they are helping you enough. Just having someone who will tell you that it will be OK and that they will do whatever they can to help is support.

The other residents for me were all nice we talked and shared experiences.

In both a support worker showed me round. I did feel safe, safer then before at least, it was all a lot to take in so even though I was told everything the other residents reminded me or helped me if I didn’t know something.”

Poem - Stop Fooling Yourself

The following Poem was written and very kindly donated by a woman who has used North Derbyshire Women’s Aid services.

 

STOP FOOLING YOURSELF

Domestic abuse is very wrong
And you girl
You’ve got to be very strong

If you think it’s bad now
Look to the years
There’ll be lots of heartache
Pain and tears

He’ll tell you it’s not his fault
You or someone else is to blame
But don’t let him use that one
Basically – they’re all the same

He’ll destroy your confidence
That’s what they do
Get rid of friends and family
To completely control you

Think about your children
Living in hostility
Then ask yourself this question
The life you want for them
Is it a possibility?

Get out now girl
Do it while you can
Save your children from the misery
Of life with a violent man

The help is out there
Just reach out your hand
Don’t become a secret abuser
By burying your head in the sand

Life won’t be easy at first
But the problem
Won’t go away
But your thanks will come girl
When you see your children
Smile everyday

I’ve been where you are
I put up with it for 20 years
It nearly killed me
But eventually I faced all my fears

I really believed I was protecting them
Keeping them safe and secure
But the day I really was protecting them
Was the day I walked out of the door.