Supporting You Christmas Newsletter
You can download the original Newsletter (layout designed by children who are receiving support from NDWA’s Children’s workers) below:
Introduction
Welcome to the next issue of your Newsletter.
As the year 2008 comes to an end and the festive season approaches this is the time of year when families spend time together. Visiting relatives and getting things ready for the big event. Buying all the presents and spending money on food and drink. Decorating the family home and making it all special and sparkly and nice!! Hold on a minute does this happen in real life, or have I just made that up?
Christmas
The hardest time spent together is at Christmas and the New Year. People fall out over simple things like what turkey to buy, spend loads of money in the supermarket on things that will not be eaten or are just being bought because it was bought last year.
Relationships are tested, arguments are easily triggered and being in close proximity to people that are easily annoyed make the situation worse. These things happen when all the relatives get together and disagreements over the year are fuelled with alcohol and violence and verbal abuse can occur.
The children often sit in their rooms with the threat of no presents and sometimes with no dinner, they can hear the parents having arguments over them and can also hear the rumbling of their stomachs and the want of will this time be different. Not that this time will be different as this is the normal.
Parents and relatives can be busy looking after feeding themselves and getting drunk that the children are often at the bottom of the list.
Support is still there
A busy time for NDWA as women ring up and tell the workers that have been abused and need there help. The advice centre is open right up to Christmas eve and some days before the new year. They will listen and try and help you to escape the abuse that you are experiencing, making you and your children safe at this time of year.
A safe place can be found if you need to leave immediately, even though it can be hard to take the children away at Christmas you are better being in a strange place where you know that support and guidance is available that ending up in hospital and your children been put into care as your partner has been violent to you.
The option is yours to take if you want to, if you want to wait until it is safe then a list of numbers can be offered for you to ring if things get overwhelming that you cannot cope with. This gives you the control to talk to someone about the distress that you are going through and helps.
You can escape from the abuse even at this time of year. Plan your escape with the workers and write down your escape plan. Plan the things that you need to take with you and what is important to the children. Plan a new life, a new start in life. It can be a reality, all you have to do is take the first step and not to be afraid of the unknown.
People are there to support you and to help you realise you have a choice to do whatever you want to do, this can be done in a safe environment. Take the risk it will all be worth it and never look back.
Counsellors are available for you to talk to about any emotional difficulties that you may be experiencing. This is run on an initial assessment interview to establish you with an appropriate counsellor. A counsellor is then provided for you to talk to in a confidential and safe environment. The rooms are within the advice centre and have carpets and comfy chairs and soft lighting to ensure that you are put at ease. A drink is offered at the beginning of the session. No pressure is put on you to talk about your distress, the hour is spent at your own pace and if all you do is cry for an hour the counsellors understand and will be with you in your time of need. Providing you with a hot drink and plenty of tissues and of course a listening ear. This gives you some "me” time to try and clear your head and focus on what you want to achieve, whether it be to leave the abuser or to stick with it until after the festive season. People are there to listen and to help you get through this period of time to ensure that you get to the other side with as little abuse as possible.
Sharing your experiences with someone unleashes a number of fears held tightly within yourself and sometimes the problems are eased and sometimes they need a little more time.
Christmas in the Refuge?
Christmas in the refuge can be difficult. The children’s workers are there to make decorations and to put up a tree to make this place feel special. The children help with all the activities and smile and laugh . Christmas hampers containing turkeys, vegetables and all the trimmings for a Christmas dinner is donated to the residents. The women and children that are in the house at Christmas are able to cook themselves a dinner and prepare things together. The table is full of food for the women and children to enjoy. New toys are donated so the women and children have presents to open on the day. This maybe a new experience watching your own children open presents and brings delight to both the women and laughter and surprise to the children. A happy moment for all to remember, free to be who you are and to forget everything for the day. A TV is available in the lounge with a DVD player and of course SKY. TVs are in the rooms if it gets overwhelming for you to go and have some quite time for yourself and your children.
So into 2009???
When the Christmas period season is over and all the glitter begins to fade away, a new year approaches and a new beginning will become a reality. As the midnight hour approaches some people spend this time on their own with the comfort of a needy alcoholic drink. Thoughts of depression sometimes set in and can become overwhelming that suicide is thought about and even attempted, sometimes successfully. The phone lines for other services can be helpful as the advice centre and the phone lines are closed. The workers understand that this is a difficult time of year and when the phone lines re-open advice is given and a listening ear is waiting on the end of the line.
You can escape. Reach for a helping hand, take the risk, it does hurt and takes time to heal. Share your experiences with other people in the hope that you will become free. Free from control, free to laugh, to go out and enjoy life, to make friends, to work, to dress how you want to dress. A time to be you and express yourself in a positive way.
Take the step, reach for the phone, ask for help. I know that it is difficult I have been there. Face your worst nightmares and step out into a free world.
Be happy, be free, take control of your own life. Live.
Your Poem’s, Stories and Pictures
Debbie’s Story
I arrived at the refuge after a very distressing day. I had left my whole world behind me, all I had were my children and a couple of bags of very bare essentials. In my minds eye, I expected to pull up at a dark, gloomy house, the type you would find in Victorian London with curtains twitching and everybody hiding away in their own little squalid rooms …. Well I was in for a surprise! The door opened (it was attached to a lovely new building, no Victorian theme at all) and I was greeted by the playworker who was still there (as it was past tea time and everyone else who worked there had gone). She put me at ease straight away. There was no airs and graces about her, she seemed genuinely concerned for us.
We were shown our room, a lovely bright, airy, clean room with 4 single beds, a television, loads of storage space and even an en-suite bathroom complete with shower. There was even a selection of essentials in there – soap, shampoo, conditioner – even bubble bath! Oh and we each had a lovely clean fluffy towel each. It really lifted my spirits.
Downstairs, through safety gates that were there for the smaller children, there was a communal dining room, a lounge with a big television (with Sky!) and a nice big kitchen with 3 cookers and sinks and 3 fridges. We all had a lockable cupboard each for our general groceries (I forgot to mention that in our room we had also been given a selection of essential foods – tea, coffee, sugar, UHT milk, tinned meat, veg and packet mash. There was also some cup-a-soups, packets of noodles and rice – everything to provide a meal in your hour of need.)
I met a few of the other girls in there that first night too. As they had some idea of the state I was in they didn’t look at me like I had 2 heads as I stood there in tears. They told me where things were and seemed really supportive.
The first night wasn’t as scary as I had imagined. Security is paramount and that is so important to everyone in the house, and although I hardly slept that night (for obvious reasons) I was warm and comfortable and if I had, had an appetite I could have even had a warm dinner! In the morning I was introduced to my guardian angel, my support worker. She put me at ease straight away and I found myself telling her my life story, something I have kept locked away for many years. She listened with a compassion and understanding that I have never come across before and, although my whole world had just collapsed, she made me feel strong enough to cope with everything.
Even the initial form filling, was done by her and she sat by me, on hand as I phoned all the necessary departments to change all my details, guiding me every step of the way. I had no idea of how dedicated the Women’s Aid workers are and what a marvellous job they do. They threw me a lifeline when I was sinking fast and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Debbie
Living in Refuge
New faces come and go
Who next you never know
People on the outside don’t seem to see
just how difficult it can be.
You’re stress levels go up,
You’re mood goes down,
You cant seem to put your feet on the ground.
After a while the animosity goes
Just one of them things, everybody knows
Living in refuge isn’t always easy
At times it’s what you make it
Make good use of the system
To help keep you around
Don’t let the "mother hubbards” keep you down.
Meeting people you don’t know
Isn’t always easy but there you go
They are often rather nice
Once you’ve got over being shy
You say hello
But you don’t know
Will they reply or will they ignore you
Will you get on or will they bore you
These are just a few questions running
round in your mind
The answers to these questions you
Will surely find.
Who do you trust
You never know but it is one thing
You should give a go
Its hard to begin
Where do you start
But I always find if you speak
From the heart,
You cant go wrong
Coz it’s the truth from within
The best voice all around,
The one voice that’s there for you
When no one is around
This voice is in the heart of you
It’s also in your mind,
It will never walk away from you
Or leave you far behind.
A Poem
You put on a hard face so the pain doesn’t show
You put on a hard face so that nobody knows
That inside your dying
Forever crying
Your slowly drowning in your floods of tears
From all the years of hurt, anger and pain
You daren’t let anybody in
Coz you don’t want to go through it again
You build up a wall around you
So no-one can get past
But slowly the wall crumbles
You can see the little cracks
Your frightened it will fall
For every one to see
The scared person stood there
That person is me
You show people that your strong
And none will get through
Because if they did you wouldn’t know what to do
The hard faced bitch that your trying to be
Is all an act, that really isn’t me
The mirror I look in
The mirror I see
Has hundreds of cracks in,
Just like me,
The mirror can’t take the pressure much more
I can see the pieces falling to the floor
But I have to be strong
I’ve got to carry on
Coz there’s a love in my heart
That will never part
All my wishes come true
All my dreams stand before me
My darling son how I adore thee
With you beside me each and every day
Seems to keep the demons at bay
I thank God you are here
And for giving me another chance
To find the true meaning of life and love
You was sent from above
With you and your sister beside me
And in my heart for ever
I will be stronger now than ever
Coz none can take that away from me
Regardless of what they do
I will always love you two…….
Autumn
The dark nights are coming
The sky is dull and grey
The rain gets you wet through
This is what people say
It’s typical English weather
It leaves you feeling blue
You wake up in the morning
And don’t know what to do
When all the leaves change colour
And fall down to the ground
When all the little animals start to hide away
They hide away ‘til spring
When it’s warm enough to come out and play
A New Dawn – a New Day
If you would like to see your picture, poem or story in the gallery Please send it or drop it into the advice centre.
Acknowledgments go to the people who use the different services of North Derbyshire Women’s Aid, looking for a helping hand. These services include the Advice Centre, Refuge, Floating Support and Outreach.
The newsletter gallery shows pictures designed by children who are receiving support from NDWA’s Children’s workers. If you would like to contribute to the next newsletter please contact the Advice Centre on 01246 540444.
